When I look back to 2023 standing where I am now, it has been a year of transformation for me. Patiently and diligently working on myself, bit by bit, to become a more loving human being towards myself and the world.

It started with me coming back from Buenos Aires in January. I am not surprised. Buenos Aires has always initiated me questioning myself, confronting myself. This year though, how can I say, I was more systematic and conscious.

My two weeks in Buenos Aires taught me a lot, as always. They were tough, especially considering I went there for vacation. I couldn’t sleep at all, I was fearful, tense, lost, anxious, everything…and all that on vacation. When I returned I knew I had to work on myself. Deep dive, find out whatever I fear in there and make friends with it. To be alive, to be free.

I started therapy, I have completed a number of self-discovery and self-development seminars, I read all sorts of books about psychology, spiritualism, philosophy, self-development. I discovered existentialism, spirituality and somatic experiencing for myself as well as a few childhood traumas. I re-discovered “Anxiety” from Fritz Riemann. I also discovered my body again with Gyrotonic.

I set myself goals, which are yet to be achieved. I am on my way though. I want to be a calmer person with more self-compassion. I want to be a better listener. I want to spread peace and quiet. I want to empower others such that they feel grand; never small. I also want to be even more intuitive and let myself guide from what my inner-wisdom tells me. This is very controversial for a scientist, and it is a challenge for me. Lastly, I want to allow myself more self-expression without fears – manifested as simple as being free when I dance.

I started questioning my “Why”. I am a blessed human being who has everything. Good health, financial security, friends, home, a meaningful job. From this privilieged position how can I help others to have a better life with human dignity? How can I make a difference, big or small, so that another human can lead a better life?

I have become a spiritual and intuitive person and magic started to happen. I have never been religious. Yet, I believe to have found my place between spirituality and realism. I believe to have come to understand that I have this one life that I want it to matter. At the same time feeling a very tight connectedness with all other human beings that all our lives matter as one. I feel peace and love. For first time I also felt a deep love for other human beings and non-humans whom I do not even know. A very special but transforming experience. It poured out of my heart. Repeatedly, thankfully.

My transformation is nowhere near complete. It will never be. Yet, 10 months after January, I do feel I am another person now. I don’t dare to say I am wiser; more in touch with myself maybe. It has been a tough journey but ever so exciting; I trust it and I am looking forward to discovering where it will take me. I will pursue it for as long as I live; which could be only one more day.